


Tender is my heart (I'm screwing up my life)

by cigarettesandalcohol



Series: I get round to loving you (Is that such a crime?) [4]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brother/Brother Incest, M/M, Pre-Euro 2016, post-Champions League final 2016, though this part is not as straightforward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-12 10:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18009485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cigarettesandalcohol/pseuds/cigarettesandalcohol
Summary: He actually cried after the match.He shut down all his social media and didn't dare to look at the highlights and compilations of the matches. There was always this penalty -And the fucking crossbar.





	Tender is my heart (I'm screwing up my life)

**Author's Note:**

> ! Mind the tags. !
> 
> This part could have almost been just a cute brotherly affection, had there not been the three previous chapters/part in this series. 
> 
> The title is from the song "Tender" by Blur.

 "Hey."

Antoine didn't manage to lift his head up before a light blanket was thrown over him, accompanied by Théo's childish giggle.

" _Anto_."

Is he ten, for fuck's sake?

He doesn't have enough energy to throw the blanket away nor tell Théo to fuck off. He hardly even has the will to open his eyes; the blanket is just over his chest and legs and he can still see the boring white ceiling, it's all there where it was before he dozed off. The summer rain outside has stopped already but it's still cloudy outside, Antoine can tell from the lack of light in the bedroom.

Summertime sadness, he thought. Wasn't that a song or a movie or something? 

He turned his head to the window that was still stained with raindrops. It was actually very cold in the room, Antoine just realized that. The blanket that was thrown over him felt cozy and comfortably warm.

"You slept for like two hours," Théo spoke and Antoine could hear the bad crackling as his younger brother sat on its other end, by his feet.

"I'm so tired," Antoine said without a sign of any emotions in his voice.

"I know."

 Antoine, with a great effort, smiled sadly.

Théo crawled closer, laying down beside him and pulling the blanket over himself as well. Antoine shivered under the unexpected closeness and tried to shift a bit further away as if scared of their touch, but his younger brother stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Anto - I know you're struggling now."

 "Yeah?" Antoine could feel the warmth of his body without actually seeing him as he was facing the window and cold, lifeless curtains instead.

"You can be honest with me."

Antoine nodded in a wordless response and bit his lower lip with such force it actually hurt and he could taste blood on the tip of his tongue. 

Erika told him it doesn't matter. To get over it. To be happy instead. He's still young, he can do so much more in the future. Besides, now, he has a happy family life. He has her, and in a few months, he'll have one cute little girl - 

And it's only football. Some stupid Champions League. Who gives a fuck anyway?

For her, he's still a champion.

Of course.

Yeah, of course.

 _He's her champion_.

But for the rest of the world, he's a failure. A loser, who made his team lose against Real. Of all the teams - Real.

And he's seen the comments.

_Too focused on advertising and not enough focused on the game._

_He should care about his penalties as much as he cares about his celebrations._

"There's this saying - " Théo said without letting go off his arm. " _You'll bounce back stronger_."

"Next season," he moaned pathetically. " _Next year_."

He actually cried after the match.

He shut down all his social media and didn't dare to look at the highlights and compilations of the matches. There was always this penalty - 

And the fucking crossbar.

"You'll play for France now," Théo whispered, his fingers moving slightly, caressing Antoine's skin. "That's better than Atlético, what do you think?"

"I don't care," he mumbled, staring at the raindrops sliding down the window glass.

Théo's breath got close to his ears, he noticed the shift, and Théo's hands slid down on his waist as his brother positioned himself behind him, laying on his side. "It's okay."

Antoine shook his head furiously, feeling lost yet again - he was the older one, he was the better one, he was the almost-champion one, he was the one who was supposed to take the place of the wiser counselor - not his little brother.

 "I still believe in you, you know?"

Antoine just shook his head again, continuing the painful biting of his lips.

"You can do anything you set your mind to."

Why was Théo like this? Why, why, why, oh God, why and how did he manage to be everything Antoine needed at the moment and still a stranger, misunderstood soul and desperate outcast? 

"You're stronger than all the rest."

He was carefully caressing Antoine through the clothes of his shirt and pants, right where his hip was. "You'll show them one day."

"Yeah," he finally spoke in a shaky voice.

He will.

He _will_ come back stronger.

He _will_ win one day.

He _will_ win a trophy. 

A trophy - a real trophy that he could lift and show everyone - not just some unsure feeling of being the second best.

And he'll bring the trophy home and say to his parents - _Look, it was all worth it_ - 

To his sister - _Look what your little brother can do_ - 

And to his brother -  _Théo. Théo.... Théo._

There's nothing he could say to Théo.

 "Nothing matters, 'toine."

Yeah. That's definitely true. 

What matters now? He's thrown away an opportunity of a lifetime.

It doesn't change a thing that Erika tells him she loves him.

She will never understand what football means to him - she's supportive, she's happy for him, she sits at all the stadiums with his family and cheers and claps and is proud - but it's only a game, it's only football, he's a footballer but most of all, he's her husband, her beloved man, and they're gonna have a baby soon.

Their lives are picture perfect.

It's only football.

"You still have EURO," Théo whispered, wrapping his hand around his waist.

When did it all go wrong?

This could have been just a sweet, reassuring gesture - a brotherly love indeed; the support he needs.

Antoine is sure that if Erika saw them like this, she would smile.

Maybe take a picture.

What a nice family, these Griezmanns. They all care about Antoine. Especially Théo.

 _Théo, Théo_ -

His light stubble scratches the back of Antoine's neck as he lays soft kisses there.

"And you still have me."


End file.
